by Jacob Kinman, Contributing Writer

Comedian Bert Kreischer is one of standup’s brightest stars working today. Although he is perhaps even more well-known as a podcaster now, the thing he is most notorious for is his story about a college trip to Russia in the ’90s in which he became involved with the Russian mafia and earned a nickname, The Machine. In the story, Bert befriends the mobsters who are tasked in protecting his class. He tries to call himself a badass in Russian, but accidentally says, “I am the Machine,” as he is only taking the Russian class to fill out the roster, and never actually learned much of the language. He then ends up robbing a train that he and his class are on with the mafia. This story went viral in 2016; shortly after the release of Kreischer’s Showtime special, “The Machine,” Kreischer clipped the story about his trip and uploaded it to YouTube and Facebook. The video came at a low point in his career, in which he was fired from his Travel Channel job and not selling tickets to his shows. After the viral popularity of the video, Kreischer’s fame dramatically increased and has remained one of the top comedians in the world.

So, after a standup routine takes the world by storm, the next logical step is to make it into a movie, right?

The Machine, starring Kreischer as a fictionalized version of himself, and directed by Peter Atencio of Key and Peele fame, brings Bert back to Russia after he is taken from his daughter’s birthday party by a Russian mob associate, Irina (Iva Babic); Bert’s father, Albert Kreischer II (Mark Hamill), known as Al, happens to be with Bert when Irina tells him what is happening, so he is along for the journey as well. This version of Bert is facing some turmoil in his life. After a podcast recording where he accidentally gets very drunk, his older daughter, Sasha (Jessica Gabor), with only a learner’s permit, is asked by Bert to drive him home. She gets pulled over for running a stop sign, and is then arrested, since Bert is drunk and cannot act as a parent in the car; Bert happens to livestream the whole event and completely embarrasses Sasha. This puts Bert’s career on hold and makes him reevaluate his lifestyle of partying, and his raucous persona onstage. Irina tells Bert that the last time he was in Russia, he stole a watch that belonged to her father; the mobsters threaten to kill Sasha, off on a trip to Big Bear with her friends, if he does not find and return the watch. Now, the journey is on, as Bert returns to the place that made him The Machine.

I think the best thing going for this movie is the action-comedy vibe. Those don’t really get made a lot these days. Bert, Al and Irina, once in Russia, find themselves constantly under attack; Irina’s three brothers are also looking for the watch, as they believe that whoever gives it back to their father, the head of the mob, will succeed him. There’s a good amount of gunplay, which mostly comes off as unrealistic and silly, but also some physical fighting as well. Some of the action scenes, while stylized, are choreographed pretty well and can be quite exciting. The comedy is successful, for the most part. Kreischer and Hamill work off of each other a lot better than I was expecting. I always enjoy seeing Hamill do a live action comedy like this. His newfound gruff persona adds even more humor to his old-man charm. There’s also a sequence at the end where Al does drugs with the mobsters that is so hilarious; all around, this is a different kind of role for Hamill. The jokes aren’t bad, and a lot of them make Bert the butt; there are at least four or five references to Bert’s man boobs, however, that got old fairly quickly. But the ones delivered by Kreischer himself always landed for me, and I found myself laughing a lot. Babic has some very funny moments herself, and fits right into the tone of the movie. Fair warning, however, that there are a number of gross out jokes that might not appeal to everyone. 

The most surprisingly thing about The Machine is the resonant emotional moments it finds. The entire journey leads Bert to find that he must balance his life between being a good dad and being The Machine in order to be completely successful, and this reads as something that the real Bert has had to deal with himself. Because of this, Kreischer is actually putting in a decent performance, and is believable as a dad and husband who wants to make things right. The film also features flashbacks to Bert’s original trip to Russia; the memories flood as Kreischer takes us into the perspective of a young Bert (Jimmy Tatro) as they come across different landmarks from his past, such as the dorms his class stayed in and the train station; Tatro’s not bad here either, but it really brings out something interesting in Kreischer as he reminisces about his college days. Bert and Al also have some touching moments as they work out their issues in the heat of a fight against some Russian mobsters. 

The things that stands out to me as a negative are some of the thematic and story elements the film tries to present. There’s a desire from the script to make a parallel between the Bert-Sasha relationship and the issues with Irina and her father, but none of that really lands; the film tries to squeeze this in with about 15 minutes left, and never really has enough time to grow into something meaningful. The watch, a MacGuffin for most of the movie, ends up not really mattering at all by the end, so it feels annoying that we’re taken on this long journey to get the watch back when it’s all for naught. 

I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. It’s different from a lot of stuff that comes out these days, and feels original, even if it is technically based on intellectual property. Action comedies used to be huge, but these days, that entire category has essentially been replaced by comic book movies and other IP projects. Fans of Kreischer and his standup will definitely enjoy this. If you’re looking for a fun, violent, outrageous romp, The Machine easily delivers that.

Score: 7/10

The Machine is currently playing in theaters


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