by Heath Lynch, Contributing Writer
So much can change in just a couple months! When last we spoke, it looked like we were barreling head first towards a tragic Emilia Pérez Best Picture win. But since then, the Oscar gods blessed Academy voters with common sense, and we ended up with a triumphant Anora victory! Don’t you love when good prevails over evil? But as much as we all just barely survived a tumultuous new awards season, it’s once again time to examine another from long past. So let’s jump right into things! As a reminder, with Oscars: What If…, we look at categories the Academy Awards should be honoring, but for one reason or another, they aren’t. So we’re going to imagine what could’ve been regarding past Oscar seasons. Hopefully someday the Academy will do right by these creative talents, but until then, we must do the Academy’s job for them. Let’s look back at the year Beijing hosted the Summer Olympics, Barack Obama was elected the first ever Black President of the United States, the Phoenix space probe proves water still existed on Mars, one of the greatest television shows of all-time, Breaking Bad, premiered, and the US Housing Market burst, creating a devastating recession and worldwide economic collapse. It is time to examine the films of 2008, celebrated at the Oscars in 2009. Let’s see what could have been!
Best Stunts and Choreography
Given to the best achievement in dance, stunts, related performances, and overall choreography.
And the nominees are… The Dark Knight, Ip Man, Mamma Mia!, Slumdog Millionaire, The Wrestler
And the winner is… Ip Man!
I mean, c’mon… When you have the option to award a Hong Kong martial arts flick that also works well as a biopic following one of the most storied figures in martial arts history, you don’t really have much choice. Especially when that historical figure is portrayed by Donnie Yen! Especially, especially when that historical figure trained Bruce Lee in real life! Yeah, Ip Man was a true living legend, and this film about his story of survival during the Japanese takeover of China during WWII is epic. Packed with numerous, intense moments of combat. Showcasing a blistering degree of skill and knowledge that’s all highly choreographed and expertly executed at high speeds. The agility and strength on display is astounding. While all of these other films certainly earned their nominations, and as much as I would love to award Slumdog Millionaire for the closing credits Bollywood dance number alone, the trophy has to go to Ip Man.
Best Performance by Voiceover or Motion Capture
Given to the best off screen voice performance, or on screen motion captured performance.
And the nominees are… Paul Bettany as J.A.R.V.I.S. in Iron Man, Jack Black as Po in Kung Fu Panda, Ben Burtt as WALL-E in WALL-E, Dustin Hoffman as Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda, Elissa Knight as EVE in WALL-E
And the winner is… Ben Burtt as WALL-E in WALL-E!
You could make the argument that Ben Burtt doesn’t deserve this, seeing as there’s no dialogue during the first act of the film, and because when Burtt does start talking all he ever says over and over is, “WALL-E.”
I would then make the argument that you are no fun, and you should watch more movies.
Harsh? Yeah, probably. But so is awarding Best Voiceover/Motion Capture Performance to anyone other than Burtt. It’s exactly because all he says is his name over and over that makes the performance so astounding, because Burtt is able to convey such rich texture, nuance, and emotion through the plethora of different ways in which he delivers this line of dialogue. Encompassing loneliness, fear, obsession, love, anger, and so much more with just one word is amazing. Even more amazing given the fact that you’re likely crying by the end of the film, because of how magical and emotional Burtt’s performance is. There’s a joyous zest for life that so unique to this performance, and it’s infectious in nature, seeping into the audience and lifting everyone’s spirits. It’s truly a sight to behold. So for one of the most distinct, impactful, and memorable voice performances ever put to film, Ben Burtt takes it home.
Best Performance by an Ensemble Cast
Given to the best overall ensemble cast performance.
And the nominees are… Burn After Reading, Doubt, Slumdog Millionaire, Synecdoche, New York, Tropic Thunder
And the winner is… Doubt!
What’s that? We’re awarding Best Ensemble Performance to what is arguably one of the greatest showcases of ensemble work in film history? Shocker of all shockers.
Honestly, all of these films are great, and each one deserves recognition, but this wasn’t close when it came to picking a winner. The work accomplished in Doubt by Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Viola Davis, and Meryl Streep is exquisite. Next level, even. It’s not too surprising when you consider that these are four of the best actors of a generation, and that all of them (save for the perpetually snubbed Adams) have won individual acting Oscars. The authentic truth this quartet brings to their characters, and the powerful emotional toll they put on the audience, is nothing short of mesmerizing. And it’s made all the better due to the fact that hardly any of their scenes operate in isolation, with these legendary talents bouncing off one another with staggering chemistry. Whether they’re having philosophical debates about moral quandaries, or intense yelling matches about the the responsibilities of the church and the devastating impact and consequences of sexual assault. In every way these four could elevate the craft of acting, they succeed. There’s no other option: Doubt takes home the gold.
Also, good on you, Hoffman, for being in two nominated films in this category this year and taking home a win. Miss ya, buddy.
Best Directorial Debut
Given to the best achievement in direction by a debut directing talent.
And the nominees are… Charlie Kaufman for Synecdoche, New York, Martin McDonagh for In Bruges, Steve McQueen for Hunger, Josh Safdie for The Pleasure of Being Robbed, John Stevenson for Kung Fu Panda
And the winner is… Steve McQueen for Hunger!
This will instantly sound like a blasphemous pick to many, as the love for films such as Synecdoche, New York, In Bruges, and Kung Fu Panda can be quite intense, but I would bet dollars to donuts that most haven’t even heard of Steve McQueen’s Hunger, let alone seen it. Because once you’ve seen this towering achievement, it’s hard to argue that any director came to the table with their voice more fully formed than McQueen. The way he forces you to linger in disgust so you can understand the suffering and political conviction of his characters is powerful in a way few films ever achieve. How Hunger captures so much with such a short runtime and hardly an ounce of dialogue is to be commended at the highest levels. From the composition of shots, to the performances extracted from this cast, and to the messaging of the film, especially as that correlates to the technical editing and the moral and political implications in the real world, this is a masterful achievement. I couldn’t be more thrilled to give this Oscar to Steve McQueen.
Best Popular Film
Given to the best audience supported motion picture that earned a spot as one of the top 25 box office films of the year.
And the nominees are… The Dark Knight, Gran Torino, Iron Man, Mamma Mia!, WALL-E
And the winner is… The Dark Knight!
Like there was ever any doubt!
It’s literally impossible to pick anything else here, seeing as The Dark Knight actually changed the way the Academy Awards work. It’s because of the film’s massive fandom, its intense acclaim from critics, and its snubbing by the Oscars for Best Picture (and subsequent outrage caused by said snubbing from critics and audiences alike), that the Academy changed how Best Picture works. No longer would there be five nominees for the biggest category of the evening. There would, from this point forward, be a minimum of eight nominees, and a maximum of 10 nominees. This was changed once again in 2021 to get rid of the minimum and maximum, instead saying there would always be exactly 10 nominees. But all that change, leading to the recognition and appreciation of so many more great films, is due to The Dark Knight, arguably (and in my eyes, conclusively) the greatest comic book/superhero movie ever made.
This flick made a staggering $533 million at the domestic box office in ‘08. That was over $200 million more than the second place Iron Man. That’s not just beating something to the finish line —it’s an ass whooping. Worldwide, it made $1.003 billion, making it the first ever superhero film to cross the billion-dollar mark. The Dark Knight wasn’t just setting superhero records, though; it was breaking box office records, full stop. It became the fastest film in history, at the time, to break $400 million, accomplishing the feat in just 18 days. When it crossed the $500 million mark domestically, it was only the second-ever film to hit that number in history, behind Titanic. In the explosion of box office hits, superhero franchises, and ticket price creep since release, The Dark Knight has fallen from its pedestal, but as of writing this, it’s still the 56th-highest grossing film ever made. At the time of its release? Oh, not much, just the sixth-highest grossing film… of all time.
As if the fact that this film changed the Oscars, and that it was one of the most popular films ever made, wasn’t enough to convince you, The Dark Knight also received eight Oscar nominations outside of its Best Picture snub, and actually took home two wins. Most famously, Heath Ledger’s posthumous victory for Best Supporting Actor. It also had nine BAFTA noms and a win, and six Critic’s Choice noms and two wins. In fact, Ledger alone won 27 different awards (that I could find) for his legendary work as the Joker. It’s a shame he was tragically lost at such a young age, and that he could never live to see the unanimous, worldwide praise he received for his work as the Clown Prince of Crime. Rest in peace, Heath. You were truly one of the greats.
So, like I said, was there ever really any doubt? It would be completely asinine to even suggest any film other than The Dark Knight win this award.
Thanks for joining me on another trip down memory lane to see what could’ve been! We got to talk about a martial arts classic that spawned a franchise, one of Pixar’s greatest films that ended up being the first in the studio’s illustrious history to be enshrined in the Criterion Collection, and what is considered by most to be the greatest superhero film of all time. A film that literally changed how the Academy Awards operate. Be sure to come back next month when we take the time to look at films like Star Trek, Taken, and Inglourious Basterds. Next time we’ll return for the Oscars of 2010, celebrating the films of 2009!
You can read more from Heath Lynch, and follow him on Letterboxd