by Heath Lynch, Contributing Writer

Welcome back one and all to another Oscars: What If, a retrospective look at the Oscars! Yes, we’re all stoked that Everything Everywhere All at Once did so damn well at the Oscars, but it’s already on to the next. No time to rest on our laurels; let’s get down to business. For the newcomers to this series, here we look at categories the Academy should be honoring, but for one reason or another, they aren’t. Hopefully someday the Academy will do right by these creative talents, but until then we must do the Academy’s job for them. Let’s look back at the year construction began on the Channel Tunnel connecting Britain and France, President Reagan demanded Mikhail Gorbachev tear down the Berlin Wall but also took responsibility for the Iran-Contra scandal, Black Monday tanked Wall Street by 22% of its value, and the first ever “The Simpsons” animated short debuts on The Tracey Ullman Show. It is time to examine the films of 1987, celebrated at the Oscars in 1988. Let’s see what could have been!

Best Stunts and Choreography

Given to the best achievement in dance, stunts, related performances, and overall choreography for film.

And the nominees are… Dirty Dancing, The Living Daylights, Predator, The Princess Bride, RoboCop

And the winner is… Dirty Dancing!

You don’t know how much it pains me to not award this to The Princess Bride. Sadly, the climbing of ropes, rolling down large hills, fighting against giants, wrestling of R.O.U.S.s, and exciting sword duels aren’t enough to hold down what is arguably the most iconic dance film of all time that features at dance scene/move that is still referenced and parodied to this day. But it’s not even just that scene; Dirty Dancing just seems to have it all. It has well constructed one-on-one intimate training sessions, sequences of background party dancing which sets a mood, large scale ensemble choreography, and that show-stopping final number. Kenny Ortega made his name working in musicals, and with the legendary Gene Kelly, before coming over to provide the choreography for this flick, and what a tremendous job he did. You were right, Swayze. No one puts Baby in a corner. You lift her up so she can grab that Oscar. You all earned it.

Best Performance by Voiceover or Motion Capture

Given to the best off screen voice performance, or on screen motion captured performance, for film.

And the nominees are… Ross Bagdasarian Jr as various in The Chipmunk Adventure, Timothy E. Day as Blanky in The Brave Little Toaster, Jon Lovitz as Radio in The Brave Little Toaster, Philippe Noiret as Narrator in The Man Who Planted Trees, Deanna Oliver as Toaster in The Brave Little Toaster

And the winner is… Jon Lovitz as Radio in The Brave Little Toaster!

Isn’t Jon Lovitz such an underrated, or maybe more accurately depicted as an underutilized, talent? Sure, the man is a bit rough around the edges at times, no doubt, but the punch he puts behind his line delivery as it blends with his unique set of humor and distinct voice pattern makes him such an idiosyncratic performer. Here, with his role in The Brave Little Toaster, he’s no different. The way he perfectly encapsulates the voice of an old-timey radio broadcast host with such passion and verve make this a truly fun performance. The way in which he’s combative towards Lampy, or consolatory towards Blanky, makes for such a charming experience that it’s hard not to focus on him as he steals the show throughout most of the film. I’m happy to give this Oscar to Lovitz. It’s well deserved.

Best Performance by an Ensemble Cast

Given to the best overall ensemble cast performance for film.

And the nominees are… Broadcast News, Moonstruck, The Princess Bride, Raising Arizona, The Untouchables

And the winner is… Broadcast News!

You don’t know how much it again pains me to not award this to The Princess Bride. As much as that ensemble is loaded with talent, and is putting on a real show, the depths of emotional emoting that we get from Broadcast News is just too impressive to ignore. And how could it not be impressive? Literally all three of the main performers in this film were already nominated for Oscars due to their outstanding work in this picture! That’s right, Holly Hunter, William Hurt, and Albert Brooks received Best Actress, Actor, and Supporting Actor noms, accordingly. Hunter’s strong-willed and quirky persona, Hurt’s aloof newcomer mentality, and Brooks’s frustration due to being disrespected and rejected in so many ways makes for powerful performances, and they all bounce off each other really well, with chemistry off the charts. Outside of the main three, you also have Robert Prosky, Joan Cusack, Peter Hackes, and Jack Nicholson all delivering solid performances to boot that all compliment the narrative and the three leads. Happy to award Broadcast News the gold for the great ensemble work taking place here.

Best Directorial Debut

Given to the best achievement in direction by a debut directing talent for film.

And the nominees are… Emile Ardolino for Dirty Dancing, Chris Columbus for Adventures in Babysitting, Peter Jackson for Bad Taste, David Mamet for House of Games, Phil Alden Robinson for In the Mood

And the winner is… David Mamet for House of Games!

Known primarily as a Pulitzer Prize and Tony winning playwright and scriptwriter, David Mamet also dabbled in directing. Arguably, his best directorial effort was also his directorial debut, House of Games. A crime thriller and a drama, this dark and seedy film follows grifters and con-men as they take on stings and scams, and it is a riveting experience. Led by strong performances from underrated performers such as Lindsay Crouse and Joe Mantegna, and with a sprinkling of strong character actors like J.T. Walsh and William H. Macy, this movie has all it needs to thrive, and thrive it does. Mamet uses his own script perfectly and punches up the cinematic experience of the film by providing solid framing and delivering the film at a brisk pace as the movie is only 102 minutes long. Props to Peter Jackson, Chris Columbus, and the others nominated. They put forth good work, and some went on to have really impressive careers (with Jackson eventually winning Best Director for The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King). But for this year’s directorial debut, the Oscar has to go to Mamet.

Best Popular Film

Given to the best audience supported motion picture that earned a spot as one of the top 25 box office films of the year.

And the nominees are… Dirty Dancing, Fatal Attraction, Good Morning, Vietnam, Moonstruck, The Untouchables

And the winner is… Fatal Attraction!

You don’t know how much it pains me once more to not award this to The Princess Bride, the film that is arguably the most popular fans beloved film from this year. Hell, I’ll admit (in case you haven’t figured it out already) that it’s my favorite film from this year. But sadly, the box office just wasn’t remotely there for it to be considered. It was not a contemporary hit at the time; it forged its legacy as one of the greatest fantasy adventure films of all time over many years through TV reruns, VHS rentals, and strong word of mouth.

Looking beyond what would be the obvious pick of today, since it’s not eligible, it’s honestly still not an easy choice. Every single one of these nominees struck chords with audiences. They were big crowd pleasers, and some were also awards contenders. But I feel this must go to Fatal Attraction. This sexually-charged thriller spent eight weeks at number one in the box office, bringing home $156+ million domestically, only beat out by the incredibly mediocre flash-in-the-pan 3 Men and a Baby. Fatal Attraction continued its dominance by making a whopping $320-plus million worldwide, crowning it as the number one movie of the year. If its reign at the box office wasn’t impressive enough, the flick was also nominated for six Oscars, five of which were in above-the-line categories. There was a screenplay nom, a directing nom for Adrian Lyne, two acting noms for Anne Archer and Glenn Close, and even a nomination for Best Picture overall. The term ‘bunny boiler’ became part of pop culture. Close’s performance terrified audiences and actively made people remain more faithful to their spouses (seriously, there are stats around this. There were less affairs after this movie because people were scared the events of this film would happen to them). If that’s not an impactful film on society as a whole, I don’t know what is. This movie literally changed the way people acted in their daily lives. For all these reasons, Fatal Attraction is our deserving winner for this year’s Oscar for Best Popular Film!

Once again, thanks for joining me on another trip down memory lane wherein we see what could’ve been. We got to see one of the greatest fantasy adventure films ever made, some of the most iconic dancing seen in film, Robin Williams sling jokes like only he ever could, and a sultry thriller that chills us all. Be sure to come back next month when we look at films like Die Hard, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and Rain Man. Next time we’ll return for the Oscars of 1989, celebrating the films of 1988!

You can read more from Heath Lynch, and follow him on Letterboxd