by Samuel Nichols, Contributing Writer
I remember being in Harkins Theatres Chandler Fashion 20 back in 2014. Godzilla had just come out. It was deliberate, tense, and put you in awe of the titular monster. He felt much less like some freak animal that could be killed and more of a force of nature. Watching him rip apart his enemies and shoot his atomic breath was awesome. Sure, at the time I probably thought the movie was slow, and I was definitely upset that Walter White himself, Bryan Cranston, bit the dust during the first act of the movie, but my appreciation of the movie grew over time. It made me want to come back to this franchise and see more from Godzilla and whatever other 500-foot ancient being Warner Bros. could resurrect. And with each passing entry, this MonsterVerse has gotten further away from the qualities that made the 2014 Godzilla good. This universe has devolved into the equivalent of stupidly throwing action figures at each other and seeing which one isn’t broken at the end… and I love it! Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is the best example of this amazing stupidity.
Kong is starting to act suspiciously down in the Hollow Earth where he lives. He’s the undisputed champion of everywhere he’s searched in his underworld paradise, but he has not found another titan that he can live in community with. Godzilla is busting butt and taking names on the surface, as no threat to humanity escapes him (however, he is still the cause of a lot of collateral damage). But both of them feel some kind of disturbance, as if another power is attempting to challenge each of their dominance in their domain. Will this threat eliminate them individually, or can they come together and defeat it?
“Hey, Sam! You just wrote a plot summary but you didn’t seem to mention any of the actors in the movie. What about Rebecca Hall? Is she still a scientist who understands Kong more than anyone? What about Brian Tyree Henry? Is he still hosting a titan-centric podcast? And what about newcomer to the franchise, Dan Stevens, and the talented, young Kaylee Hottle? What happens to them?” Well let me tell you, reader: Whatever they are actually involved in, and whatever nonsense they spout at the camera, I do not care about. Their various adventures are confusing, and their conversations seem like they are enhanced up to 1.5X speed. Or maybe that’s just because all the humans only speak in mumbo jumbo science that doesn’t exist. These are incredible performers, and they have no agency whatsoever. They exist only to share exposition about this universe so we aren’t asking questions about whatever is happening on screen. Is it a necessary service they provide? Maybe, but also it seems insulting to reduce them to required reading or listening.
But I could not care less about these problems, because there is more monster brawling than any other addition in this MonsterVerse. The death matches are furious and vicious. We get to see the brutality of Godzilla as he rips apart his enemies with ferocity and no regard for collateral damage. Kong learns and fights with intelligence as he journeys deeper into his Hollow Earth domain. The smattering of other kaiju that show up are unique fighters in their own right, and they make for good challengers to the these two kings of the titans. The spectacle of these fights and the sheer carnage we see is awesome! They are well worth the cost of admission on their own.
None of what I just glowed about above would matter if the CGI was bad. These big budget movies are made or broken on the backs of the animators bringing their worlds to the screen. So props go to them, because the world in front of us never looks second rate. Whether we are in Rome itself or deep in the Hollow Earth, everything looks terrific. That goes double for our monsters, as they have realistic looking scars, fur, scales, eyes, and skin. This attention to details sells the beasts as existing for centuries, and not just being conjured up by an artist on their office computer.
Speak of these beasts, both of our leading monsters have interesting personalities which make them great foils for one another. Godzilla is not a hero or protector. He’s the remainder of balancing the equation between monsters and the rest of nature in this world. A kaiju pops up terrorizing people on Earth, Godzilla will show up and throw down. When the battle is done, he dips, leaving a trail of destruction behind him. What I like about the King of Monsters even more in this movie is how unhinged he feels. Other kaiju in this universe — apart from Kong — are territorial and just trying to survive. While they are destroying nature, they are just trying to live. But Godzilla doesn’t care about their agenda; he only sees them as a threat to this balance he protects. On top of that, the big nuclear lizard is not above walking up to another kaiju’s “house,” kicking the door in, and dishing out an ass-whooping for no reason other than he can. He’s not messing around this time. Kong, on the other hand, yearns for growth and connection with something else. Yes he wants to be respected as the king of this Hollow Earth, but he gets lonely. He needs a friend to connect with. Those humans who helped him out in Kong: Skull Island and Godzilla vs. Kong still matter to him. He remembers and places value on them. So it makes sense that he fights to protect them too. When you pit Godzilla and Kong against each other, we can see why they might not want to be buddy buddy, but they may have some agendas in common depending on the threats they face.
This leads me to a larger point that I have about this franchise. It is by no means super intelligent. Monsters duke it out for supremacy, and we get to watch the brawls. It’s a simple concept, but a fun one. But the writers seem hellbent on getting in their own way by putting these unnecessary human subplots in front of us. I paid for a ticket to see Godzilla and Kong punch each other. I did not spend my hard earned money to listen Hall, Henry, or Stevens spew B.S. about the science of this world. I don’t care about that. I paid for a WWE ticket, not for a Ted Talk. If I wanted to see a brilliant allegory about the fallout of war and the horrors that man kind is capable of, I’ll watch Godzilla: Minus One, Peter Jackson’s King Kong, or Shin Godzilla. Those are better more contemporary stories with better writing.
So WB, Legendary, and whoever else makes the MonsterVerse, please get out of your own way. Leave the brilliant writing that balances human tales with killer kaiju to the professionals. This is not your wheelhouse. In the words of Ken Watanabe from the 2014 Godzilla: “Let them fight.”
Rating: Liked it
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is currently playing in theaters
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