by Patrice Downing, Contributing Writer
Did you know in 1914 a couple could take a box of Christmas cookies to the post office and mail them home to their parents, along with the grandbaby? Yes, you read that correctly. For a brief period in time, the United States Postal Service would deliver both your baked goods and your squirming infant child, along with your more traditional handwritten correspondence. Much like the future USPS Priority shipping motto, “If It Fits, It Ships”, babies were under the weight restrictions of the time, and due to ambiguously written postal guidelines, for a brief moment in time, small children were indeed eligible to be mailed. Now to be clear, from what I could find, this only happened a handful of times throughout the country (could you even imagine going to the post office during the holidays with a bunch of kids roaming around behind the counter waiting to be claimed?!); however, the fact that it happened even once is pretty nutty.
By this point you may be asking what any of this has to do with Amazon MGM’s release of the new $250 million-dollar holiday adventure Red One. Nothing really, but the reason we all now know about this tasty little postal tidbit is why we’re here. Longest story shorter, I was on a bit of a deep dive into agrarian urbanism (fancy way to say city farmin’, y’all) which involved research into care and life cycles of ducks and chickens, which led to rewatching a Season One episode of Dirty Jobs, where the ruggedly handsome Mike Rowe went to work as a chicken sexer at a farm that mailed out day-old baby chickens in the U.S. Mail. This led me to wondering if now, 20 years later, that was still something you could do. Yes, indeed it is, and according to USPS.com, “Thousands of chicks are transported through the U.S. Mail seamlessly every year. This is a legacy operation we take very seriously as lives are literally at stake.” Obviously, I wasn’t going to stop there, because now I was deep down the rabbit hole and wondering what is the weirdest thing the post office has ever delivered, and lo and behold, I found pictures and accounts of babies in the mail.
If you’re new to the ridiculous ramblings of this column, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with a Christmas movie starring The Rock as some kind of leathered-up black ops elf? Well that’s easy… nothing! However, the online and streaming adventure I take to learn about such random bits of knowledge most certainly are, because it’s only once you sort out all the fictitious fluff and filler that you can get down to where the fun really begins. So come along and join me on another journey to filter through the farcical, and hopefully find some new Facts on Fiction.
This time around, following the release of Red One, and the pending debuts of what feels like no less than 50 new Hallmark movies starring Lacey Chabert, Tamera Mowry-Housley, Erin Krakow, or the ever-so-dreamy John Brotherton that all will no doubt include ambiguous Santa cameos, we are going to explore some factual findings on towns named Christmas, and theme parks devoted to honoring the spirit and feel of the North Pole. To be clear, I could have easily gone with a very straightforward recommendation of a little 2015 film available on Amazon called Saint Nicholas: The Real Story. Not a bad time, packed with research and tasty little foreign facts, but it’s not what I would call a fun time. Then I thought a lot of these types of films involve either going to, or at least referencing, the North Pole. For those interested, the 2000 documentary Endurance, put out by National Geographic, is a great overall explanation of Sir Ernest Shackleton’s 1914 expedition to Antarctica (The North Pole). Thorough coverage, factual, still not what I’d classify as a fun watch.
But then it hit me! The moment I’ve been waiting for since the inception of this series. A chance to recommend one of my absolute favorite creators of content, a documentary dynamo, the founder of Defuntland, Mr. Kevin Perjurer. If you have never visited Defunctland on YouTube, you are truly missing out. Perjurer has covered all kinds of nostalgia-laden frivolities of defunct theme parks and decommissioned attractions that no longer exist. Did you know Disneyland had an Intimate Apparel Shoppe on Main Street USA on opening day 1955? Well I didn’t either, until Perjurer included it in one of his thoroughly-researched videos. He is a man after my own heart when it comes to digging up the most obscure and juicy details that are absolutely dripping in ridiculous and I love every minute of it. Would you believe me if I told you one of his most popular videos ever is on the history of waiting in lines at theme parks (22 million views as of this column posting)? It’s over an hour long (103 minutes), and I’ve watched it more than once (I’ve actually watched it three times)! It’s absolutely one of the most intriguing documentaries I’ve ever watched, and it’s literally on the history of waiting in line, one of the most mundane encounters of the human experience. I didn’t think he could top it, but then later that year, Perjurer covered the creation of the little jingle that plays over bumpers as the Disney Channel’s Theme. It was like watching a beautiful love letter being written to an artist who was all but forgotten to time, but wonderfully remembered for what he contributed to pop culture around the world. So let me reel in this tangent, because I think you get the idea: Defunctland is an incredibly engaging channel… Oh wait… I didn’t even mention the Handwich! No, no… I’ll keep that in my back pocket for another day.
Back in 2018, when Defunctland was still in its infancy as a plucky young upstart of a YouTube channel, Perjurer covered Santa-themed amusement parks… how convenient! Starting with a bit about a few towns that chose to have Christmasy names, it then dives into regional and roadside parks devoted to the joyous holiday season by recreating different iterations of the North Pole. What’s even more interesting is that several date back early than the more iconic Knott’s Berry Farm and Disneyland parks. Not only does the video cover the parks’ creation and downfalls, but what other factors may have contributed societally to those trends. And did I mention this entire doc is delivered as if it is the clandestine, undercover investigation of a 1940’s era gumshoe searching for clues on a big case?! It’s unexpected little details like this that have continued to make Defunctland a must-watch whenever I get a notification (and yes, I actually have notifications turned ON for Defunctland). I love the unexpected announcement of comprehensive factual goodness becoming available to watch, and look forward to what gem from the past will be detailed next! Clearly, from the sheer volume of exclamation points I have left littered throughout this piece, I’m a pretty big fa,n and since you’ve made it this far, I’m guessing you will be too.
And with that, we’ve reached the end of the fact finding journey this time around. I hope you’ll join me again next time as my quest continues to comb through the quizzical, dig under the dubious, and ultimately find the Fact on Fiction.
You can read more from Patrice Downing, and follow her on Twitter, Serializd, and Letterboxd