by Nick Ferro, Contributing Writer
Welcome to Another Person’s Treasure. In this series, we discuss films that aren’t considered great by critics or audience scores, but are considered great by the author. I think this film deserves a second glance, so let’s get into why.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is an unfortunate failed attempt at creating a franchise surrounding a popular intellectual property which, for some reason, I really enjoy! My hope is to show this underappreciated movie some love in the hopes that wonderful people like you might give it a chance and learn to love it for what it is: a fun live action cartoon. Growing up, I was not as obsessed with G.I. Joe as I was other popular kids cartoons like Ninja Turtles, X-Men, or Batman. However, G.I. Joe was one of my top shows, and a large part of that was because of its incredible toy line. I had a plethora of G.I. Joe toys, and they were some of my absolute favorites. They had incredibly cool characters that came with a ton of accessories, and awesome land, air, and water ships (and that’s not to mention the Command Center play set); there was never a shortage of playtime adventures and imagination where G.I. Joes were concerned. Combined with the entertainment provided by the cartoon, it shouldn’t be surprising that I was very excited for the announcement of a G.I. Joe movie.
What goes into making a good G.I. Joe movie? Well, to me, it needs to be over the top, and the bad guys have to seem sinister, but also be over the top cartoon villains. And they absolutely must possess some kind of crazy sci-fi weapon (preferably weather themed). The good guys have to be incredibly earnest and serious to the point of goofy, and have a ton of catch phrases. And if possible, there should be a post-credit scene where they teach some kids about saving water, or bullying, or something. The story needs to be believable in the world created, yet bombastic with set pieces straight out of any good science fiction adventure. So, after laying out these parameters, I think G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra nails it!
The rest of the world, on the other hand, not so much… Making a little over $150 million domestic and approximately $302 million worldwide on an estimated $175 million budget (not including marketing), The Rise of Cobra was unfortunately a box office failure. Currently it sits at a 33% critic score and a 50% audience scores on Rotten Tomatoes, it has a 5.7 IMDb, a 32 on Metacritic, and a 2.3 average on Letterboxd. It is safe to say that I am living on an island with my appreciation of the final product. The general consensus on G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra includes such key words as cheesy, poorly acted, terrible special effects, and laughable. I could go on, but the list of negatives this movie has received over the years is quite long. I am not here to tell you that there isn’t a grain of truth to most of them (which, in some cases, might be spot on), but what my theory presupposes is, maybe that’s what makes it great?
The Rise of Cobra stars Channing Tatum as Duke, the leader of an elite military outfit tasked with protecting new nanotech missiles capable of eating metal. Not a weather controlling device, but you have to walk before you can run, I guess. This movie came out during a period of Tatum’s career where he hadn’t quite found his acting legs yet, and studios hadn’t figured out that he was hilarious, so he was still being type cast as romantic leads. When a group of mysterious villains led by the Baroness (Sienna Miller), with incredible high tech sci-fi weapons, ambush Duke’s caravan in an attempt to steal the missiles, the G.I. Joes swoop in to save the day. From there the Joes, led by General Hawk (the completely over-the-top Dennis Quaid), recruit Duke and his squad mate Ripcord (Marlon Wayans). Their mission is to stop the villains from using the missiles to sew destruction around the world. The Joe team consists of Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), the exploding crossbow wielding Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), the tech nerd Breaker (Saïd Taghmaoui), and the silent ninja Snake Eyes (Ray Parks), as well as other classic characters who make cameos.
On the villain side, along with the Baroness, we have fan favorite villains, Destro (Christopher Eccleston), Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun), and Zartan (Arnold Vosloo). This wouldn’t be The Rise of Cobra if they didn’t show us his rise to power, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives an understated but sadistic performance as the not-quite-ready-for-prime-time version of Cobra Commander. I love how they set up his character and appreciate the adjustment to his backstory, but I am still disappointed that we never got to see JGL go further with the role.
Right out of the gate this movie was gifted with such a talented cast, and I don’t understand the negativity surrounding their performances. I have seen all of these people deliver amazing performances in the past, so when I see them hamming it up in this movie, I know they were having a blast and 100% understood the assignment. How do you deliver the line, “And knowing is half the battle!” with anything other than outlandish earnestness? Quaid brings the actual cartoon character to life with his over-the-top performance.
Right from the start, this movie lets you know that this is going to be a fun ride that understands what it takes to make a live action cartoon work. There is never a dull moment, from training montages featuring Brendan Fraser, to car/foot/motorcycle chases through Paris, or crazy sword fights between the two resident ninjas who are sworn enemies and also get their own mini backstory, as if they were poised to get a spinoff sooner rather than a decade later. The movie is well-paced and laden with action which wasn’t edited to death (thank you, Park and Lee). Although the structure of the story is a bit unconventional in the way it uses flashbacks, it’s never boring, and the flashbacks themselves, for the most part, entertain. The CGI may be questionable at times, but this movie isn’t afraid to shoot CGI scenes in the bright daylight, on a bright sand dune, or even on a bright, snowy mountain. No hiding bad CGI in dark imperceivable scenes — even the underwater battle sequence is decently lit and looks pretty good for 2009.
I remember seeing The Rise of Cobra in the theaters and having a blast. When they reveal the giant underwater base at the polar icecaps and then have a giant underwater battle with shark shaped submarines and hydro cannons, I knew I could never hate this movie, no matter how ridiculous or overacted it is. I hate the phrase “turn off your brain movie,” but I can understand how it sometimes applies. As G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is not a masterpiece of cinema, you need to suspend a healthy amount of disbelief in logic if you want to truly have a good time. I also think it’s impressive that this movie manages to be ridiculous in one try, when it took the beloved Fast and Furious movies a decade to get to this level. I honestly see no difference, other than G.I. Joe being a lot more self-aware.
My biggest regret is that we never got to see the true vision of what G.I. Joe could have been as a franchise. We could’ve had multiple movies and spinoffs, all increasingly more ridiculous, with fun characters, cool ships, sci-fi tech, and amazing tie-in toys. Not only were we robbed of a true sequel (the actual sequel being too self-serious and full of The Rock), but I really feel like they could have expanded the “Hasbro Cinematic Universe,” and eventually combined the G.I. Joes with Transformers and slowly phased out the generic military guys in the Transformers movies for the Joes. As it stands though, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra manages to only be one weather-dominating device away from checking off every box on my wish list. If it has been a while, or you never got around to it due to all the bad word of mouth, I highly recommend you check out G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Who knows, you may love it as much as I do. Maybe it could even be your new favorite movie, and not just Another Person’s Treasure.
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