by Samuel Nichols, Contributing Writer
It is April 2019; by this point, I am a full-fledged movie nerd and see everything that comes into theaters or onto a streaming service I have access to. But the business is in a lull. Shazam! has been out for a few weeks, and it will a few more before the world is rocked by Avengers: Endgame because no one wants to get in the way of that juggernaut. I’m looking up showtimes for my local theater and notice that a one-word movie called After has a few screenings that afternoon. With no other knowledge of what this movie is, I go to the theater and get a ticket for it. Approximately two hours later, I have found my new favorite garbage fire movie of the year (and mind you, the Matthew McConaughey-led Serenity came out this year too). The plot is delusionally stupid. The characters are mockeries of real people. The soundtrack is hilarious and filled with soft covers of Emo-pop songs from the 2000s. The story of our leads Tessa Young (Josephine Langford) and Hardin Scott (Hero Fiennes Tiffin) is a rollercoaster of emotion. This on-again-off-again couple dealing with trust and deception issues are always one slip up away from a split, and one romantic gesture away from getting back together. When you toss in the very PG-13 sex sequences, these movies really are 50 Shades of Grey for teens and tweens. Apparently, that was the intended audience for these movies, as their original source material is based on One Direction fan fiction. All that combines for a perfect storm that made the first three movies very enjoyable in a “so bad, it’s good” kind of way. But now we have become far too serious for that.
After Ever Happy picks up right where its predecessor (After We Fell) left off. Hardin has just discovered his real father was his lifelong mentor Vance (Stephen Moyer), and that sends him into another chaotic descent into destructive behavior. He attempts to burn down his mother’s house, runs away from Tessa, and returns to his drinking habits. At the same time, Tessa discovers her formerly-homeless father dead OF A DRUG OVERDOSE IN HER HOUSE when she returns from England. Hardin comes back to comfort her, but she cannot see him the same way anymore. He attempts to better himself and finishes school. She moves out on her own to New York. After getting sober and seeking counseling, Hardin follows her and starts his journey to win her back. But by the end of the story, we are still in the midst of our cycle of “will they, or won’t they?”
Now I do not mean disparage our two leads here. Langford and Fiennes Tiffin are doing their very best. The kind of acting needed here is volatile and energetic, and both have that ability in spades. At the drop of a hat, they are in each other’s faces screaming and then turning around to have sex in a car. These performances require a lot of range. However the kind of talent they have is wasted on a pathetic script from subpar writers that seemed to have missed what made these movies fun: the low stakes comedy of it all! Of course we need Hardin and Tessa to keep running into problems for there to be tension and conflict, but having them slowly settle down together and not have little kid problems forces us to realize the truth about these two: they are not meant to be together.
My enjoyment of the first three movies in this franchise was hinged on the ridiculousness of the relationship between Tess and Hardin. The ups and downs they go through just seem like petty drama between young people that means nothing to anyone except them. Their verbal battles are hilarious to me because I cannot take them seriously. In reality, these two people could not be further from compatible. Their constant skirmishes are terrific entertainment, but are proof that they are not capable of a serious relationship. But then the seriousness of After Ever Happy hit, and I realized that perhaps these writers thought they were doing something legitimate this entire time. Trying to glue these two people to each other is a terrible idea when Hardin runs from his life constantly and when Tessa has no idea how to confront her abusive parents. Perhaps they both mean well, but in reality, both of them would need serious therapy before trying to get together. Saying they are destined or meant to be just implies that relationships have some battles that cannot be avoided. That is a remarkably horrendous expectation to set for the impressionable young people who might be watching this garbage.
But now we stand on the precipice of this franchise; there is a secret finale movie left to come out and I can only imagine we will have more ups and downs between this couple. Of course I’ll show up for it, but honestly, I am tired of it all. I just want it to end, and I have realized my error by praising this franchise for being so terrible. I should never have watched these movies. May they never get to release the fifth one.
Best of luck to Langford and Fiennes Tiffin, though.
Score: 3/10
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