by Heath Lynch, Contributing Writer

Hello, everyone! I hope you’re enjoying spooky season, large swaths of horror movies, and are preparing some fun costumes. I’ve been taking the time to research the films from another year that are worthy of Oscar recognition. In case you’re new to Oscars: What If, here we look at categories the Academy should be honoring, but for one reason or another, they aren’t. Hopefully someday the Academy will do right by these creative talents, but until then we must do their job for them. Let’s look back at the year Michael Jackson released his infamous Thriller album, Late Night with David Letterman made its debut, Disney’s EPCOT Park in Disney World opened to the public, the first computer virus infected Apple II computers via floppy discs, and the population of China exceeded one billion people, making it the first country in history to do so. It is time to examine the films of 1982, celebrated at the Oscars in 1983. Let’s see what could have been!

Best Stunts and Choreography

Given to the best achievement in dance, stunts, related performances, and overall choreography for film.

And the nominees are… Annie, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Conan the Barbarian, First Blood, Victor/Victoria

And the winner is… Victor/Victoria!

It’s hard to deny that Julie Andrews is one of the greatest treasures in the history of Hollywood, and her performance in Victor/Victoria is another fine example of that fact. Her singing abilities are once again off the charts. But it’s not just her vocal prowess this time around that leaves you impressed — it’s also the tremendous choreography throughout many of these dance numbers. In the film, Andrews plays a woman who’s pretending to be a man… who’s pretending to be a woman. It has big, “I’m a dude, playing a dude, disguised as another dude” Tropic Thunder vibes, and it leads to a lot of interesting scenarios and unique dance performances that you would otherwise not see in other films. There are also some really fun brawls that break out in restaurants and nightclubs that may look like random chaos, but are actually really well-put-together fight scenes. Plus, there’s one absolutely hilarious dance performance by the legendary Robert Preston, who is pretending to be Julie Andrews, towards the finale of the film that will leave you rolling. There are a lot of great contenders this year, but this one has to go to Victor/Victoria

Best Performance by Voiceover or Motion Capture

Given to the best off screen voice performance, or on screen motion captured performance, for film.

And the nominees are… Mel Blanc as Various in Bugs Bunny’s 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales, Mia Farrow as Various in The Last Unicorn, Elizabeth Hartman as Mrs. Brisby in The Secret of NIMH, Jim Henson as Various in The Dark Crystal, Pat Welsh as E.T. in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

And the winner is… Pat Welsh as E.T. in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial!

Here’s one that might make you raise your eyebrow a bit, as I’m giving it to someone who wasn’t even credited in the film, but that’s also partially what this award is for: righting a wrong; correcting an injustice. The fact that Pat Welsh was not even recognized in the credits for her work as the voice of E.T. is really sad, because she does a tremendous job. While her line readings may be limited in their scope, and few and far between in their quantity, this movie simply does not work without her. The amount of empathy she is able to elicit from the audience through her sadness, and with her conversations with Elliot, will bring a tear to your eye. Furthermore, there are very few lines in cinematic history is famous as, “E.T. phone home.” For her impact on pop culture, making sure that she is finally recognized for her brilliant work, but more importantly for eliciting so much strong emotion with her performance throughout this movie, this award has to go to Pat Welsh. 

Best Performance by an Ensemble Cast

Given to the best overall ensemble cast performance for film.

And the nominees are… Fanny and Alexander, The King of Comedy, Sophie’s Choice, The Thing, Tootsie

And the winner is… Fanny and Alexander!

Yes, that’s right. We’re giving this to the Swedish film that very few people these days have probably ever seen. Fanny and Alexander tells a story that is both gut-wrenchingly tragic and profoundly whimsical and hopeful. It achieves this with a massive ensemble cast of over a dozen primary characters who all have varying degrees of weight to the story, but all of them encompass fully formed and realized characters with their own distinct motivations, personas, and quirks. Ewa Fröling, Gunn Wållgren, Jarl Kulle, Bertil Guve, Jan Malmsjö, Kerstin Tidelius, Pernilla August, and Pernilla Allwin all all deliver fascinating performances that will leave you enraptured, and that’s not even half the cast! Are these names that many people will recognize? Not at all. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve recognition for their portrayals of joy, grief, anger, lust, sorrow, and hope, amongst many other complex emotions throughout this film. The range of talent within this group is astounding, and the way they mold their characters’ chemistries together as they bounce off one another will leave you stunned. The ensemble cast in Fanny and Alexander is tremendous, and wholly worthy of this honor.

Best Directorial Debut

Given to the best achievement in direction by a debut directing talent for film.

And the nominees are… Don Bluth for The Secret of NIMH, Graeme Clifford for Frances, Amy Heckerling for Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Barry Levinson for Diner, Frank Oz for The Dark Crystal

And the winner is… Barry Levinson for Diner!

Barry Levinson has been one of Hollywood’s noteworthy talents throughout the years, and even got an Oscar for Best Director with Rain Man. But it was with Diner that he got his start. Looking back on it, it’s quite apparent when watching this debut film that Levinson had a great understanding of composition, and a unique vision on how to tell a story, from his humble beginnings. The performances he’s getting out of this star-studded cast is impressive. He gave his group leniency to improvise many scenes which led to a more genuine connection between his characters. When you have talents like Kevin Bacon, Mickey Rourke, Paul Reiser, Daniel Stern, and Steve Guttenberg to anchor your film, you really need to know how to handle your talent, and he doesn’t shrink from the challenge. Levinson is also able to tell a story that’s not quite your traditional coming-of-age film, in the sense that it doesn’t revolve around teenagers, but it still feels like a transitional film as young men become adults and grow up to accept the wide new world in front of them. It’s gripping and engaging, and a lot of that is due to Levinson’s understanding of how to use a camera and get the most out of his cast. Hats off to him; he definitely deserves this Oscar. 

Best Popular Film

Given to the best audience supported motion picture that earned a spot as one of the top 25 box office films of the year.

And the nominees are… E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, An Officer and a Gentleman, Poltergeist, Tootsie, The Verdict

And the winner is… E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial!

When you take the time to look back on this year, this pick feels quite obvious in hindsight. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial absolutely dominated 1982. It was a massive commercial and critical success, and really no other film even comes close to contesting it for this award. E.T. opened up number one at the box office in the summer of ‘82 and continued to set record after record for highest grossing successive weekends week after week. By the end of its theatrical run, the movie had grossed $359 million domestically and $619 million worldwide to become the highest grossing movie of all time. Yes, even beyond Star Wars. To say this movie was popular is an understatement. Everyone saw it, everyone quoted it, everyone knew everything about it. It was vastly famous, and became part of our pop culture. You can hear the line, “E.T. phone home” in your head, and you can see the image of a bicycle flying across the moon when you close your eyes. Hell, that image has even become the logo for Amblin Entertainment to this day, Steven Spielberg’s production company. Beyond all of that commercial success, the movie was also nominated for nine Academy Awards, and it won four of them including Original Score, Sound Effects Editing, Sound, and Visual Effects. I’d be willing to bet money that you can probably even hum the theme from this movie by John Williams in your head without even trying, and there’s no way you’re not impressed with the stop motion animation and puppeteering that went into this picture. It was also nominated for Best Original Screenplay, Best Director for Spielberg, and even the overall Best Picture of the year, losing out to the three-hour biopic, Gandhi,starring Sir Ben Kingsley. That’s how powerful this movie is. There was really no other option for this award. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is hands-down the Best Popular Film of the year. 

And there we have it! Another year of revisiting past Oscars and examining what could’ve been. We had a great courtroom drama, some mind-bending practical effects from the Antarctic, and the most lovable and empathetic alien you could ever imagine. This was a great year, packed full of amazing films, a year worth recommending everyone to revisit. However, the fun doesn’t stop here! Make sure to come back next month as we look at classics like Terms of Endearment, Scarface, and Return of the Jedi. Join us next month as we return to the Oscars of 1984, celebrating the films of 1983!

You can follow Heath Lynch on Letterboxd