SiftPop

by Scott Batchelor, Contributing Writer

I have an estranged relationship with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. The first film was released in 1974, is said to be the origin of the slasher genre (I personally believe Halloween deserves that distinction), and is often ranked as one of the best horror movies of all time. Well in preparation for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) I watched the original for the first time and do not believe it stands the test of time. It feels clunky, characters are more laughable than sympathetic, and the ending is the biggest example of Deus ex machina if there ever was one. The funny part is that a movie that is said to be filled with gore is surprisingly light. Because this was 1974, makeup and effects had to be hidden by clever camera tricks, so you really do not see much of anything. 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) is a direct sequel to the original, which muddies the timeline and sequels like some more recent horror outings. It seems it’s a popular trend to ignore anything but the original film for ease of storytelling. There are direct sequels that came out in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and then remakes with prequels in the 2000s, and then we went back to making sequels to the original before we land here with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. While the original is clunky with laughable characters, this legacy sequel is even clunkier with laughably obnoxious characters.  Running at an 80 minutes, you would think one could sit down for a quick viewing, but somehow this movie ages you 39 years instead.   

The story opens with a quick recap of the events of the ‘74 film, because as I mentioned, that is all that matters. Our “heroes” are introduced at a gas station, lost in deep Texas. A man wearing a gun in a holster pulls up next to them and they proceed to disparage him for his accessory choices. I am unsure if I am actually supposed to root for these characters. Political beliefs aside, they are borderline bullies. This man did nothing more than pull up next to them with a gun… in deep Texas. If this was New York or Disney World, yes, he is probably flaunting his political beliefs, but there is something to be said about reading the room, something these characters know nothing about.

We learn that Dante (Jacob Latimore) and Melody (Sarah Yarkin) have bought a number of buildings in a nearly abandoned town called Harlow in deep Texas to renovate the shops and put life into the town. Melody’s “sis” Lila (Elsie Fisher) and Dante’s “future wife” Ruth (Nell Hudson) tag along because, body count! While investigating a seemingly abandoned orphanage, Dante learns they still have occupancy, one of them being slasher extraordinaire, Leatherface. 

This must be one of the most unique introductions for a killer, as he is at first introduced as someone just living his life hidden away. It is only after his caretaker dies on the way to the hospital that he snaps and kills anyone he can get his hands on, starting with the sheriffs in the transportation vehicle. The first kill is brutal. We are a far cry from hidden camera tricks now. We are in an age where nothing is left to the imagination anymore. When people die in this movie, we are going to see it all. 

I think one of the things that bothers me the most about this movie is the blatant way they introduce a reason to up the body count. Hollywood doesn’t seem to think we can handle only four victims in a movie anymore, so scary movies have to hit double digits for anyone to go see a movie apparently. As soon as you hear about a bus full of people, you know they might as well be dawning red shirts for how little attention they get, if any. These characters become nothing more than props for this gore fest. 

Halfway through the movie, we finally reveal why this could be considered a sequel. The movie plays the game of introducing some back story without telling us what the backstory is just yet. Throughout the first half of this movie, we are learning about character history like Lila being a survivor of a school shooting and Richter (Moe Dunford) being a gun enthusiast. But finally, we are reintroduced to the lone survivor of the first movie, Sally Hardesty (now being played by Olwen Fouéré), and I finally understand the reason why this movie is a thing. After bringing back Linda Hamilton for Terminator and Jamie Lee Curtis for Halloween, this is what movies are doing. The problem is nobody cares about Sally Hardesty. This is not an iconic character to bring back. Texas Chainsaw Massacre doesn’t have a hero that comes anywhere close to anyone’s favorite.  

The climax starts off as wonderfully entertaining with shades of Halloween 2018. Our survivors, both legacy and new, face off against one of the most feared monsters in cinema history. But then it gets weird. I typically do a pretty good job of suspending disbelief, but this breaks me a bit. At one point, Leatherface comes face-to-face with a victim holding a shotgun, and Leatherface just walks past them like they are a mannequin. There is zero character reason for this to happen. 

Speaking of strange character choices, why is Leatherface here? Last we saw him he was living in a house with his cannibal family, and now he is here with a caretaker we have never heard of before. This movie just wanted to place him in this desolate town, but made no effort to explain how he got from where he left him to here. This and his age are big question marks that we are supposed to ignore. There was virtually no reason to make this a sequel. If you would have told me it was a remake, I am onboard. But it’s not. It’s a legacy sequel.There are a number of story decisions in here that just stop me from letting go and enjoying the mindless gore this film is going for. 

Lila’s trauma never paid off and feels more exploited. It is quickly referenced, but barely acknowledged as the movie goes on. It seems like there is a message about not letting your past haunt your present, but the nuance is lost because this movie thinks you are dumb and over explains everything to you. 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre tried to be more than a mindless slasher, but it’s just a mindless slasher, and it even fails at that. You can’t be subtle when the weapon of choice by the monster is a chainsaw. A chainsaw! What message do you think you are going to deliver here? Every character aside from Lila is unlikeable, but not villainous enough to want to see them die, so it leaves a movie with nobody to root for. With virtually nobody to care about and baffling story choices, this movie is best left in the deep annals of a streaming service.

Grade: F

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