by Samuel Nichols, Contributing Writer
I have never been stoned in my life. The most I’ve ever done is smoke a cigar with my Uncle Jay after I got engaged. I’ve always found marijuana to smell disgusting, and I am frankly too scared to try anything else. I’ve been around people who were high, but I know that what I am perceiving around me isn’t exactly what they are perceiving. Because I might see a car driving the street and they see an elephant sprinting after Usain Bolt. Maybe I want to talk about linear algebra and they hear me say “line our allergy bras.” Or maybe I saw Chinatown and found it to be a moving picture about corruption and family secrets, while they think that because there was a scene with water, the pool outside is tainted with fentanyl. Did that make sense to you? No. Well Poolman didn’t make sense to me either.
Now I brought up Chinatown for two reasons: First, Chris Pine’s titular poolman, Darren, watches the movie repeatedly, and second, there is the most vague of connections to the classic flick in that they both take place in L.A. and have something to do with conspiracies. Darren is consumed with this idea that local powerful figures like Councilman Toronkowski (Stephen Tobolowsky) or real estate magnate Theodore Hollandaise (Clancy Brown) are hiding something, so he embarks on a journey to find out what exactly is going on. He has support from his therapist, Diane (Annette Bening), his best friend, Jack (Danny DeVito), and Theodore’s own assistant, June (DeWanda Wise). Darren’s journey takes him to some of the crazy, seedy parts of L.A. — maybe none of it is fruitful, or maybe all of it is.
I’ll give the movie this: Everyone on screen is locked in and trying their best. Pine has always been a strong leading man, but I’ve enjoyed these last few years where he’s gotten a little devious in Don’t Worry Darling and a little goofy in Dungeons & Dragons. Now, he gets to to be completely wacky in Poolman. Maybe playing a lunatic in your directorial debut is too much of a balancing act to ask of yourself. Is he terrible? No. But he doesn’t have the right person pushing him for a larger performance. There’s something here, but it does not feel like he’s really going for it.
On the supporting side, the cast lives up to their big names. Clancy Brown really brings his class and kind of formal intimidation that he’s had since Shawshank Redemption and SpongeBob. He’s the right kind of guy to play a real estate mogul. Similarly, having DeVito be a wacky best friend and Bening be your down-to-earth therapist in this world of absurdity are wise choices. But it’s who DeWise steals the screen. Whenever she is on camera, she had my full attention. She clearly was watching tape of 1950s noir movies and emulating all of the dames who needed the help of a down-on-his luck private eye. Without her, the movie would’ve been lesser.
Despite the effort of the cast, I cannot pin this movie down. At times, the story is going for satire of conspiracy theorists or the old noir stories it’s emulating with its search for what lies beneath the surface. If that’s the case, it’s not clear enough or funny enough to make light of the insanity that’s happening on screen. I think that is what Pine and the other writers were going for, but honestly, Poolman pulls itself in too many directions to tell. Another sign of a poor satire is lack of edge or crack. It would be a little better if we knew who Pine was targeting, but that’s unclear.
To quote the great Michael Scott, “‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.’ – Wayne Gretzsky”. Chris Pine took a shot with his directorial debut in Poolman. He co-wrote the script and directed the movie, along with putting up his money to make it as a producer. He clearly believed in this project if he put his blood, sweat, tears, and money into it. In a recent interview with NPR, he said that the movie critic’s obliteration of this movie caused him to give up on perfection. It breaks my heart that he was hurt like that. But he followed it up with saying that the movie still gave him joy. In some ways, that’s beautiful, and it’s a made shot in my opinion.
Rating: Didn’t Like It (but I still love Chris Pine)
Poolman is currently playing in theaters
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