by Heath Lynch, Contributing Writer
What if The Social Network had beaten The King’s Speech? What if Saving Private Ryan had beaten Shakespeare in Love? Or if Brokeback Mountain overtook Crash? What if Alfred Hitchcock had won Best Director? Or Stanley Kubrick? What if Peter O’Toole won the gold? What if Glenn Close suffers the same fate as Peter O’Toole? There are a lot of standard “What Ifs…” that we play with The Oscars on a regular basis. Cinephiles love to go on long diatribes about past Oscars proclaiming who should’ve rightly won any given category, for any given year. Fans like to write retrospectives, and create lists and rankings as to what “should” have happened, myself included. But today I’d like to pose a question that doesn’t get asked nearly as often as it should. What if… we had different categories?
Throughout the years the Academy has changed up their categories, adding some here, removing some there. At times, they’ve even announced new categories that never came to fruition. Yet still there are some categories that other awards shows do, or are popular fields that garner a lot of buzz, that the Oscars fails to acknowledge in any way. Here at SiftPop, we aim to rectify these grievances. Join me as we start this new monthly article wherein we look at five categories: Best Choreography, Best Ensemble, Best Directorial Debut, Best Voiceover or Motion Capture, and Best Popular Film. These categories are not exclusive. In fact, nominations across multiple categories, including Best Picture, is highly probable.
To that end, we’ll begin our journey by handing out awards to movies released in 1975, the year of the first true must see-event film (the awards would be handed out in 1976, however). The first blockbuster film. Jaws. Join us as we examine the Oscars What If… 1976.
Best Stunts and Choreography
Given to the best achievement in dance, stunts, related performances, and overall choreography for film.
And the nominees are… Barry Lyndon, Funny Lady, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Rollerball, Tommy
And the winner is… The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
The Rocky Horror Picture Show feels like it could’ve almost won for “Time Warp” alone. But if I’m being honest with myself, and you dear reader, Funny Lady almost steals this. Yes, it hurts my soul too, especially because Funny Lady is not a good movie. It’s just really difficult to argue against those terrific Broadway and vaudeville numbers. But the interactive nature of “Time Warp” and overall zany and memorable qualities of The Rocky Horror Picture Show seal the deal. Whether it’s Tim Curry’s sultry voice or Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick’s duets, the songs through the midnight-staple flick are catchy all on their own. Accompanied with exotic costumes and gyrating motions that would put Elvis to shame, it’s hard not to appreciate everything Rocky Horror has going for it. Beyond “Time Warp,” the sequencing in “Hot Patootie – Bless My Soul” and the entire cabaret stage performance and synchronized swimming of “Rose Tint My World” really set this movie apart. Just remember… It’s a jump to the left, and a step to the ri-i-i-ight. With your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight. But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-ane. Let’s do the Time Warp again!
Best Performance by Voiceover or Motion Capture
Given to the best off-screen voice performance, or on-screen motion captured performance, for film.
And the nominees are… Scatman Crothers as Pappy/Old Man Bone in Coonskin, Dick Van Dyke as Tubby the Tuba in Tubby the Tuba, Michael Hordern as Narrator in Barry Lyndon, Fumie Kashiyama as Marina in Hans Christian Anderson’s The Little Mermaid, Philip Michael Thomas as Randy/Brother Rabbit in Coonskin
And the winner is… Philip Michael Thomas as Randy/Brother Rabbit in Coonskin!
This is one of the closer races in this year’s field of categories, surprisingly. Crothers’ passionate energy and Hordern’s unreliable subtlety are hard to overcome, but I have to say that Thomas edges them out. Let’s remember the era. The Civil Rights Act had been passed, but there were still many systemic issues under the surface, issues that still exist today. In the wake of Watergate, where America’s highest government position was publicly shown to be corrupt, and just a few years after the massacre at Attica, times were tough. It’s as if Thomas’s youthful rage was able to harness and channel so much of black America’s frustrations of the time throughout Coonskin. The aggression and unrepentant tone in his voice embodied everything that needed to be portrayed in the character of Brother Rabbit. Though the intentional crass nature of the film itself makes it hard to offer a blanket recommendation to, the voice performance that Thomas offers throughout Coonskin is certainly one worth taking notice.
Best Performance by an Ensemble Cast
Given to the best overall ensemble cast performance for film.
And the nominees are… Dog Day Afternoon, Jaws, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Nashville, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
And the winner is… One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!
It’s possible this choice could ruffle some feathers as I imagine the love for Nashville in this category would be quite high. But the gold has to go to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest here. Nashville certainly has the bigger ensemble with 20 or more good performances. Whereas One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest has about 10 perfect performances. I’ll take the perfection over the larger numbers. This already won Jack Nicholson Best Actor and Louise Fletcher Best Actress, for playing one of film’s best wise asses and one of film’s best villains, respectively. But the talent doesn’t stop there. You have the endearing Danny DeVito coming from Broadway to play Martini. The stoic Will Sampson gives us our simultaneously dour and uplifting conclusion with his portrayal of Chief. More notably, though, are the film debuts of Christopher Lloyd and Brad Dourif. Lloyd has gone on to become a cinematic treasure, and is a standout in this film. Dourif never made it as big as Lloyd, but still had a great career himself, even earning a Supporting Actor nomination for his role as Billy Bibbit. In fact, it’s his triumphant moment of growth met with a swift tragic downfall that serves as the climax of our film. The performance he gives in his waning moments are astounding. If what he’s doing on screen doesn’t move you, I don’t know what will. Heck, we even have Crothers doing solid work here in his small role. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is an ensemble performance for the ages.
Best Directorial Debut
Given to the best achievement in direction by a debut directing talent for film.
And the nominees are… Nikos Nikolaidis for Euridice BA 2037, Patrice Chereau for Flesh of the Orchid, Walter Hill for Hard Times, Joan Micklin Silver for Hester Street, Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones for Monty Python and the Holy Grail
And the winner is… Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones for Monty Python and the Holy Grail!
Wow, what a duo. Since the Monty Python troupe disbanded, Terry Gilliam has gone on to have a much more acclaimed career with the likes of 12 Monkey, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Brazil. But for a brief time in the late ‘70s through the early ‘80s, these two collaborated to make some of the greatest comedies ever put to film. Arguably, none are greater than Monty Python and the Holy Grail. These two really understood how to get the most out of their budget, and how to allow their limitations to foster creativity. The coconut horse galloping gag? Well, that’s because they couldn’t afford to rent horses, and it created one of the funniest ongoing jokes of the film. The ending in which the police arrest everyone? The Terrys didn’t have the budget for a climactic final confrontation. So, why not arrest everyone and kill the film? Smart decisions like this are layered throughout the picture. Combined with a genius script, great puppeteering, and even some beautiful animation, the Terrys had a lot of plates to keep spinning. Yet not one of them dropped. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a masterpiece of comedy, and the Terrys deserve all the recognition for their achievement.
Best Popular Film
Given to the best audience supported motion picture that earned a spot as one of the top 25 box office films of the year.
And the nominees are… Dog Day Afternoon, Jaws, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Shampoo, Three Days of the Condor
And the winner is… Jaws!
I mean, c’mon. Are you surprised? I pretty much gave the game away earlier! Jaws is the original blockbuster that paved the way for modern blockbusters as we know them today. You can trace the impact of this film all the way up to the Academy originally pitching a Best Popular Film category back in 2018 as a response to the fan support for Black Panther. This movie made $260 Million at the domestic box office, which would adjust to $1.371 Billion in 2022 dollars as of the posting of this article. To say this movie was popular is an understatement. But is it really that shocking? This movie has it all. You have the cold open where the John Williams score makes drifting through seaweed terrifying and the infamous skinny dipper being dragged underwater to her death. You also have the fantastic performances from a trio of talent in Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw, and Roy Scheider. There are fantastic special effects and stunts being coordinated with Bruce the shark, the destruction of the Orca boat, the assault on the shark cage, and so much more. All of this is perfectly constructed by the spectacular Steven Spielberg, who cemented himself on the scene with this tension filled epic, and has since solidified himself on the Mount Rushmore of directors. Jaws is truly a classic that will give you every cinematic thrill you could desire, while instilling real life terror by making you never want to go swimming in the water again.
So there we have it! Our look back at the year 1976 in an alternate world scenario where the Oscars had some unique and fun categories that we don’t get to see today. Hopefully someday we get categories of this nature. But until then, we’ll see you next time as we do an Oscars What If… 1977!
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